Dear Owen, I wish we met somewhere more romantic, like a bar or mutual friends but no, we met on a stupid dating app. I would never have thought that I would meet someone as beautiful as you, inside and out on an app known for one night stands and summer flings. You were a lot older than me, I’d just recently turned 18, just enough to be on the dating app in the first place. What started as awkward eventually blossomed into strong feelings toward you. I’d never been with anyone before you, in any way. You were the first one I actually gave a chance to. It was only because I’ve seen you before, online, in a video I constantly laughed at with my friends. You were a dancer, and you were quite out there in the world, doing big things. I was an eighteen year old kid who knew nothing. I thought dating someone older would give me more life experience. Who would have thought I actually had to live to gain the experience. 

After what had felt like years, we agreed to meet face to face. I broke out in hives before I left the house. Would you think I looked different than the pictures? Would you think I was boring? There’s no way to tell. I knew deep down that it would go well enough to keep me falling for you. I remember pulling up to that spot , a park somewhere in Delaware. It was surrounded by those beautiful trees with pink flowers growing off of the branches. The forage was blooming, the entire scene was truly breathtaking. Surrounding the parking lot, there were hiking trails, carved into little gray pathways, to keep us from getting lost. Bright green grass surrounded the pathways as we walked. It was peak summer, and the sun was scorching. We engaged in the expected small-talk. We would talk on the phone on late nights. We engaged in these deep conversations, contemplating life, and what was next. But now, all we could seem to talk about was the weather and the drive here. I was terrified the whole time. You’re the first person to ever ask to see me romantically. I was inexperienced compared to your seemingly long dating history. We then went to the coffee shop, where we sat side by side, not close enough to cause uncomfortability, but not far away enough to show disinterest. Right before I left, you told me to sit with you. It took twenty minutes and one of my favorite songs playing to work up the courage to kiss you in your old car. It had to be perfect, didn’t it? However, it wasn’t pretty like it was in the movies, in fact,  it was quite  average. I don’t know what I was expecting, perhaps a spark to prove to me that this was love but, no, nothing. I brushed it off, and was just happy to get it out of the way.

Even though the kiss was a dud, the feelings I felt were very strong. It was taking over me. It took over my actions and my words. I swear it felt like love, but I was surely just infatuated, right? It was our first date, but these feelings were unheard of for me. I felt out of breath, and sweaty when I was around you. I wasn’t nervous. I think you just made me feel wanted for the first time in my life. 

That's when you said,

“I’ve never met someone like you, but we don’t have a lot of time to do this.” 

Puzzled, I replied, “Do what? Are you not having a good time? I thought this was going well?”

 That’s when you said to me, “To continue this, I’m leaving for Ireland in a month.” I interrupted, for how long? 

You replied, “Forever”.

The words took the breath out of my lungs. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me that you were leaving-for good. The worry on my face was prevalent, That’s what led you to say,

“You’re leaving for New York in a month anyway, we’re doomed from the start. That doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy each other’s company now. Forget the future, can’t we just live in the moment.”

Two years after the summer of fun, I still miss you, but not romantically. You’re the reason I am the way I am. Even though after we officially ended it, together, and I was broken, I’m happy now. You were a learning experience and I’m so grateful for you. I would have never discovered how to navigate anything in the love realm. And with that, I leave you tucked away in my heart.